Guilt and shame led Hanna to formulate a plan to kill herself. She said she told herself that she needed a way out to escape her life. Being in a marriage in which she was being physically, verbally and emotionally abused was the norm. However, it would be a matter of time when reality would hit and Hanna’s life would crash. By the time she got out of her marriage, she suffered from guilt and regret and became addicted to alcohol. Hanna gave up on the idea that life would ever improve and that she blew any chance she had of “being a good person.”
Hanna lost everything, including her home. Hanna’s lifestyle changed dramatically. Her alcohol use increased and in her words she “was merely existing.” She surrounded herself with other addicts, was thrown out of residences by the police a handful of times, until she found herself living in a tunnel. This was her rock bottom.
Hanna evaluated her worth as a person and decided that the world would be a better place if she did not exist in it. Hanna planned out her suicide: pills and alcohol. However she knew it was going to take time to get a hold of the pills that she wanted to take to end her life. Until then Hanna continued down her same path- getting alcohol any way she could and drinking until she blacked out.
During one of her daily walks, Hanna stumbled across St. Martin’s. Hanna had a meal, one she describes as the best meal she had in years. Hanna inquired to the person sitting next to her as to where people were going when they walked upstairs. Hanna was told that the stairs led to a second chance at life. Intrigued Hanna went up the stairs and signed up for an intake. Hanna was admitted as a client for the CRT program after completing her assessment.
Hanna began attending as many groups as possible. Hanna slowly began to make connections in the groups. Eventually Hanna asked for individual therapy, as she felt that there were things she was not ready to share in a group setting. When Hanna began individual therapy, she had been alcohol free for over a month. Hanna utilized her therapy sessions to talk about her innermost personal fears, thoughts and feelings.
It has now been four months since Hanna has been a client at St. Martin’s. Although she has had struggles, one of her biggest strengths is her honesty. She has managed to maintain sobriety and has shared her story in group settings. As she has stated that she wants to make it her mission to use her life experiences to help others. Hanna has stated many times, “If it wasn’t for St. Martin’s staff, I would have killed myself.”